Seer: D9n't let them see
by KankriAmpora
Summary: "It was only when he grew up on Alternia did he 8egin to tap into his a8ilities, triggering recollection of our lives on 8eforus, and what we all went through." Oh how wrong she was. But he liked it that way. His friends would never have to know about his visions. They would never have to see his moments of weakness. And if Kankri had his way, it would stay like that.
1. Chapter 1

_This was inspired by a series of roleplays I had on msparp. Thank you to the amazing Porrim, Cronus, Karkat, and everyone else who tolerated my sucky internet and random business and disconnecting too early. I wish I could credit your tumblrs or something, but even if you gave them, I guess I forgot to save the logs. Please take credit, you know who you are! I don't think I'll use any direct quotes, Karkat isn't even going to be here, but thanks for helping me flesh the idea out and figure out how other trolls would react. I couldn't have done it without you guys!_

_Note – don't mind the change in tense, it's there for a reason: the first bit sets the scene of what has already taken place, and the present tense moves us out of remniscing and brings us to the current action. Hopefully, that makes sense._

Aranea had finally gathered everyone on the Land of Mazes and Crystal, and for once it looked like something was going to get done. The meeting wasn't everyone's first, but it certainly had been a long time, and indeed the speaker was met with much grumbling and protests when a voice finally announced "Alright, let's get down to 8usiness, there is much to 8e done."

Still groaning in disgust, the group of adolescent trolls left their various conversations and slowly gathered around the cerulean-blood's hive door, whispering reduced to a minimum.

"Now, as the last player to have entered the Medium, I certainly don't have the same knowledge as those of you who entered earlier do, 8ut I do think that everyone here has some interesting experience to share and surely that will help us to develop a plan of sorts. We have a strong team with a lot of talented players, and I'm sure we can 8eat this game if we can all put our 8ickering aside for the most part and try to work together."

She did seem to make a good point. And for once, everyone was able to shut up and listen. It was beginning to look like someone on the team had some leadership.

You would interrupt if you thought you would be listened to, but Aranea did seem to have a handle on the situation far more than you ever did – and besides, you wouldn't want to trigger her. And interruption could be taken as questioning of her capability to lead the discussion, which, in fact, you had full confidence in. Besides, under your past leadership attempts, the bickering which Aranea had alluded to had been even worse than before the game, despite your efforts to the contrary.

You continue to listen to her instructions, and others chime in when called upon for their input. Everything is running very smoothly, and you make a mental note to ask Aranea for tips on group mediation – you have to admire her talent for it.

But suddenly something... something is wrong. You spend the next ten minutes distracted, trying to figure out what it is that's bothering you so, when you realize that you've completely lost track of what Aranea is saying. Hoping that no one has noticed your rudeness, you quickly focus your attention back on her; or, that is, you try to. But it's only now that you notice that you can't hear her. For a matter of fact, you can't hear anything.

Being sure to keep a straight face, you quickly run through a mental list of all situations which could cause your sudden deafness. For a minute, one possibility worries you, something you saw which you'd never thought would come true. But you had never thought that the raspy throat, the bloody ears, the scream you couldn't hear – you never thought they would belong to _you_. All this time, you had been planning how to stop it from befalling one of your friends... but wait, this doesn't explain _how_ it is that you've suddenly become deaf.

Maybe the vision isn't coming true just yet, because suddenly your eyes start to swim and images start to flicker... blindness was never part of the vision...

The vision.

Oh.

It's happening again.


	2. Chapter 2

Doing your best to remain calm – remember, we have an empath and a mind-reader among us – you call out in a raspy whisper, "P9rrim." You can't remember if she was near you when you lost control of your sight. You raise your voice slightly, but not enough to attract unwanted attention. "P9rrim..." But to no avail. Or maybe she did respond, after all you wouldn't have heard her. But never mind that – it looks as though you'll have to deal with this on your own.

Hoping that someone nearby would hear, you mutter a quick "Excuse me, I have something to attend to" before turning and heading away from what you remember to be the general area of the crowd.

The difficulty of walking takes you by surprise – you had forgotten how severe the effects of your visions could be at times. Concentrating solely on your balance, you think you are doing fairly well. That is, until a firm hand catches your wrist and pulls you upright.

Cr*p. Oh, and hopefully you didn't just say that aloud, swearing of all things would surely draw attention to you given your strict history of avoiding the practice. Besides, you wouldn't want to trigger anyone, even if your friends have sworn up and down that crude language doesn't bother them.

Whoever it was who caught you grabs you firmly by the shoulders and turns you (presumably) to face them. Maybe you can still save face.

You focus all your energy on regaining your balance. Crossing your fingers that you haven't interrupted them midway through a sentence, you speak as clearly as you can. "I'm sorry, I have t9 g9 at the m9ment – it's a pers9nal matter. 6ut I will 6e 6ack sh9rtly." You shove the mysterious friend's arms off of your own and continue on your path.

But this time more arms are catching you and you guess your balance isn't nearly as controlled as you had thought it was. You stand to get away, not caring what they think is going on at this point, you'll come up with an excuse later... but if you don't leave now you'll have a lot more to explain and you're not ready for that – Beforus, you doubt you'll ever be ready for that.

"Please let me g9..." Your words must be so garbled at this point that you doubt anyone even understands what you're saying, but you have to try something. "I'm fine, this is n9rmal, 6ut I need t9 g9..." You're weak now, weak enough that you're hardly putting up a fight against them and it only takes one troll to hold you back now. And they're mostly holding you _up_.

Never mind. So be it, let the world know, what do you care. The vision wants to come and you can't keep it at bay any longer.

Your last thought is fear, in knowing that everyone you came closest to trusting is here to watch you.

And then the world dissolves.

_Sorry, the next chapter may take a little longer to upload. It's from the POV of a character I don't have much practice with and I want to make sure it's just right. In the meantime, I hope you're enjoying the story. Let me know what you think in the reviews! I don't mind constructive criticism._


	3. Chapter 3

_I lied! Heheh. Here's chapter 3 now, I finished it much sooner than I thought I would. I hope my narration is up to par._

"C'mon, cheif, vwake up..." you shake Kankri more vigorously. The smaller troll has stopped his mumbling now, he isn't even trying to get away anymore... and that's exactly what worries you. "Kan, please say something, you're scaring me here... You'vwe got to be okay..." You shift Kankri's body around so you can feel for a pulse-

But before you can, _she_ pushes you away from him and starts shouting directions at you and you're not even sure he's still alive, what with the way he was acting.

"Everyo+ne back up, leave him alo+ne. Give him so+me ro+o+m to breathe."

But you run forward again anyway, even with her glaring at you. "Vwhat the fuck happened? Is he alright?" And no, that death glare isn't gonna scare you away, so stop trying.

She keeps glaring you down anyway. "I assure yo+u, Kankri will be fine, but he has asked me in the past no+t to+ disclo+se what is happening, sho+uld it ever co+me up, and that's a pro+mise I do+n't intend to+ break."

Paying no mind to the string of insults you fling at her, Maryam turns to the crowd at large. "Again, he will be fine, but I speak fo+r him and his ridiculo+us ego+ when I ask yo+u all to+ leave fo+r a bit."

Obviously, it takes a lot more arguing and questioning, most of which comes from you. But eventually, everyone disperses and leaving just Porrim between you and your Kankri. And she looks like she's just about ready to kill you.

"Look, Maryam, he's my friend too," you give a weak laugh for effect. "Vwhether you like it or not."

You expect a storm of angry responses from her, but instead your words are just met with a sigh. "It's because he co+nsiders yo+u a friend that he wants yo+u to+ leave."

"Nowv vwait just a minute, I just vwant to make sure he's alright, you havwen't evwen told me vwhat happened to him-"

"Cronus." Her voice is stern enough that you shut up and listen. "I can't tell yo+u. And Kankri has asked me that, sho+uld this circumstance co+me up, I ensure that no+ne o+f yo+u see him. Especially yo+u."

You can feel your heart break at that last bit. "Lies." It's out before you can think about it. If there's one person Kan wouldn't want to be around, it sure as heck isn't you. And no jade-blooded mother-complex ridden diva is gonna convince you otherwise.

"Listen here. I aint about to turn my back on my... on Kankri wvhen he's just I dunno, had a seizure or somethin, just because his little momma told me to. And there is no vway Kan would evwer say somethin like that about me. I don't knowv vwhat you're tryin to hide, but it aint gonna vwork, 'cuz I am stayin right here until he vwakes up."

"He'll hate yo+u fo+r it." Porrim sighs, shaking her head. "He's go+t the idea that he has to+... pro+ve his wo+rth, so+ to+ speak. Peo+ple he cares abo+ut aren't allo+wed to see him hurt," she explained softly. "Especially yo+u."

"You're here."

"I've seen it befo+re." She hesitates, before finishing with "And besides, he do+esn't need to+ care abo+ut me. He needs so+meo+ne to+ care abo+ut him."

Meeting her eyes, the two of you for once seem to come to some sort of understanding. Maybe there isn't much you can agree on, but for this moment you can put all of that aside. Your Kankri needs help and that is what matters. If someone else cares as much as you – well, the kid deserves it. It's about time he had someone else looking out for him.

You glance back at Kankri. His face is contorted in pain, and whatever's happening, he shouldn't have to go through it alone. Looking back to his moirail – and really, you think, that should have been obvious – you respond, "Vwell, vwho cares if he hates me, then." And with that, you move over to sit beside her, cradling Kankri's hand in yours.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note - sorry the update took so long! I wasn't allowed online for a while and even then, this chapter was a little trickier than the others. Hopefully the slightly longer chapter makes up for it, I know they tend to be really short and I apologize for that, I'm bad at writing nice long chapters.**

**Also, warning - headcanons ahead. You'll see.**

**It gets a little dramatic and angsty but then so does all my writing, so what can I say?**

**Anyway, here you go:**

* * *

_You're standing on a mountaintop. No, a... a boulder, you would say. But there's nothing surrounding the edges except a dark, foreboding void. How did you get here? You can't remember. Never mind, that can all be sorted out later. You look around._

_You aren't alone – in fact, all of your teammates are here with you. There is a celibratory feel in the air as a deep contrast to the worrying that had come with the game before, and you wonder what changed. _

_How much time has passed? Your friends look... different. Much older, anyway, no one here could possibly pass for a mere six sweeps. Some have already begun to get hints of hemopigment in their eyes._

_You rack your think-pan. Why can't you remember anything? Two and a half sweeps must have passed at least, which you have no knowledge of whatsoever._

_But you hear talking and your attention is redirected toward a large door. You don't know why, but it's important. The crowd turns to watch as you approach it, grasping the handle and you are just about to give a firm tug-_

_When a white-hot light explodes from behind you, slamming you into the hard wood and behind you voices are screaming and sweet Beforus, it hurts..._

Strong arms are holding yours and you can feel soft hands papping your face. Slowly, you become aware of concerned voices muttering back and forth beside you. You open your eyes, but quickly shut them – why does Aranea's planet have to be so bright? Even with your eyes shut, that white-hot light still floods your vision.

Gradually, the two voices become distinguishable and words take on meaning once more.

You cringe at the first sentence you hear. "C'mon, cheif, it's okay, vwe're right here. Nothin' to be afraid of." He stayed, he saw everything, why did he have to be here...

"Vwowv, you sure he's alright? He's shaking." You force yourself to stop shaking. "I mean, I knowv you said it's happened before, but-"

"This time was a little mo+re... vio+lent, but he sho+uld be fine o+nce he's had a mo+ment to+ reco+ver." It takes you a moment, but the you soon see the awful meaning behind her words...

"Y9u t9ld them."

"Kan! You scared the sh- sorry. You scared the heck outta me, you knowv that?"

Porrim let out sigh. "Thank go+o+dness. Yo+u really had me wo+rried this time"

But you shake your head, insistent. "Y9u sw9re."

Maryam calmly smoothes your hair and how dare she be so calm and casual about it. "Kanny, I-"

"Y9u sw9re, P9rrim. Y9u were never supp9sed t9 see, 6ut at least y9u sw9re n9 9ne else had t9 kn9w." Wincing, you force yourself to sit up. You are _not_ going to let weakness show – not any more than you already have, that is. Hopefully you can still retain a shred of dignity.

Because annoying as they are sometimes, these eleven trolls and humans are all you have. Like it or not, they are they only ones from whom you had ever had any chance of earning some small amount of respect. And as if it weren't enough that Cronus Ampora himself had just watched you fall on the floor, screaming and writhing in pain... as if it weren't enough that he had seen you completely lose control... your best-kept secret was revealed in the same instant.

Kankri Vantas doesn't lose control. Kankri Vantas doesn't hurt. Kankri Vantas doesn't scream, he doesn't need help, he doesn't get scared, and he doesn't cry. And he doesn't have visions that do all of that to him and more.

"There's nothin vwrong with it, Kan." Yes there its. "I mean, you're a Seer, right? It had to happen eventually, no big deal."

"See?" Porrim's forced cheery attitude made you want to puke. "No+ pun intended. I to+ld yo+u they wo+uld understand." After a short pause, she takes your hand and asks quietly, "What did yo+u see?"

Oh Beforus.

You had nearly forgotten.

And suddenly the scene replayed a thousand times in your mind and each time you felt that gut-wrenching pain, each time you were forced to listen to all of their screams...

You feel Cronus next to you and realize that you are on the verge of tears.

Kankri Vantas doesn't cry.

You hastily collect your wits as best you can, remembering you'd been asked a question but dreading the answer. If you say it, then it will be true, then it will stop being something you imagined and become reality.

But they deserved to know, didn't they?

Porrim became more insistent. "Kankri, what did yo+u-"

"9ur deaths. I think."

Silence reigns supreme as the others' eyes widen in shock. You can't blame them. After all, you had felt the same.

Strong arms wrap around you and pull you into an embrace, drying your eyes against a soft white shirt, and you must have been crying. "Cr9nus... n9t n9w, 6esides, s9me9ne's right here watching..." You try to push him away only to be pulled in tighter. "No can do, chief. And I don't giwve a flying f- sorry. I don't care vwhat anyone thinks and I doubt Maryam here cares besides. You need help right nowv, Kan." His voice softens. "That's okay, you knowv. So you're not a machine. That's okay."

"N9," You begin softly. "N9, it is n9t 9kay, n9t f9r me. Mutant-6l99ds can't 6e weak and we can't n9t 6e machines 6ecause that's what they think we are, weak and I need t9 6e str9ng and I need t9 pr9ve them wr9ng 6ecause they sh9uld 6e wr9ng, Cr9nus, they sh9uld, 6ut I am weak and if I let myself fall then I undermine everything I stand f9r." Kankri Vantas doesn't need help.

"Vwoah, vwoah, calm dowvn. I'm tellin you, it's alright, okay? You don't havwe to make yourself into some... some crazy emotionless mask to be strong." You open your mouth to protest but the words won't come out like they should and instead you dissolve completely into Cronus's arms. Because he's right, maybe you do need help and maybe that's okay. And just for the tiniest moment, safe in his embrace, you're able to forget that you're weak, and that he knows, and that it's all wrong. For just the tiniest moment, you could let the world be perfect.


End file.
